Tuesday 31 January 2006

Stress Relief

I was clearing out my emails when I came across this one I was sent ages ago. It still makes me smile...

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an arsehole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'arsehole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, " You're an arsehole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'arsehole' calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an arsehole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole ( I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW arsehole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an arsehole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Arsehole #1.

"Hello." "You're an arsehole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Arsehole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, arsehole," and hung up.

Then I called Arsehole #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, arsehole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, arsehole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two arseholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works...

Happy Birthday

I'd just like to wish Ace, my "husband" a Happy 26th Birthday for today.

I'll buy you a beer on Friday after work.

Monday 30 January 2006

A Further Update To Jelly Wrestling

I asked Jackie at work today, how she pulled up the next day and how many people crashed at her place, because when I left on Saturday night, some people had already passed out on various pieces of furniture.

She told me that Laura ended up in the emergency department of the local hospital for 4 hours the next day. It turns out that she injured her ankle on the bouncy castle when someone tried to drag her off, and is now on crutches! *grin*

I didn't envy her the clean up, considering the dog tracked jelly and dirt into the house, plus jelly would have been all over the back yard from the wrestling match.

Sunday 29 January 2006

Catch Up With Chook

On my way to work on Friday, I received a text from Chook (refer to previous post Return To Sender ), wanting to catch up for coffee if I wasn't working that day. I replied, saying that Sunday's are my only free day, and that she could ring me at home before midday on Saturday to finalise plans.

Come Saturday afternoon, while I was having a nanna nap (jest if you will but I was tired and planned on a big night out that evening), she rings me on my mobile. We arranged to meet at a cafe` in Osborne Park.

We used to be really close. I was going to be a bridesmaid at her wedding until I pulled out - but that is another story!

We chatted for over an hour, just catching up on what has happened in our lives over the past few years - work, holidays etc.

It was nice to catch up. I don't think we'll ever be close friends as we were before, but I'd like to keep in contact, and catch up every so often for a coffee and chat.

Jelly Wrestling Anyone?

I went to a party on Saturday night. It was at Jackie and Shaun's place - the same place as the 21st birthday party I went to last year where they had the bouncy castle.

They hired another bouncy castle again and they also bought a small inflatable pool. Into this pool they put jelly. There wasn't a lot of jelly, just enough to make it very slippery.

Many, many drinks later, Laura tried to push her sister Tina, into the pool. The next thing you know, they are wrestling in the pool. They started scooping jelly up out of the pool and chasing each other around the yard with it. I was sitting in the bouncy castle, out of harms way, or so I thought, but I ended up in the way of some flying jelly! *laughing*

At one point, Laura tried to get away by running into the house, but her mum, Jackie, shut the door on her! They then decided to gang up on their step dad, Shaun, and Tina managed to wrestle him down in the pool and was declared the winner!

It was just after this that I got a text from Ace, wanting to know the address because he couldn't remember it. He'd sent it an hour before but gone home because he couldn't get hold of me. Oops! By that time I'd had a few of the jelly shots that Tina made - boy they were strong! *sheepish grin*

All in all, it was a great night. I can't wait to see what they come up with for the next party!

Friday 27 January 2006

Reasons Why The English Language Is So Hard To Learn

  1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
  2. The farm was used to produce produce.
  3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
  5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  10. I did not object to the object.
  11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  13. They were too close to the door to close it.
  14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Wednesday 25 January 2006

Not A Good Look

On my train the other morning, there was a lady in her early 40's, standing close by with her back to me. She was wearing a really nice white skirt.

The problem?

I could also see that she was wearing a white pair of french style knickers, which her top was not long enough to cover.

Now, if you're going to wear a white skirt or pants, you should stick to wearing flesh coloured underwear. That way, poor unfortunate souls, like moi, do not suffer psychologically! *sarcastic grin*

Sunday 22 January 2006

Movie Review: Memoirs Of Geisha

I saw the movie today, and have to say that it was very well done. I loved the garden scene with the cherry blossom trees. I could spend hours in a garden like that.

I think that anyone that goes to see it, and have read the book, will not be disappointed.

Friday 20 January 2006

A New UBD For Perth?

Over this last week, I have had a number of people stop me, either on my way to work, during my lunch break, or on my way home, and ask for directions.

Come to think of it, this is constantly happening to me. I must have a sign on my head that only other people can see!

Hairdresser Dilemma

I have not been near a hairdresser since July and desperately need a cut and colour. I have been trying to get an appointment with my hairdresser since before Christmas. I rang yesterday and was told she had an opening next Saturday at 11am, otherwise I can't get in for another 2 weeks because she will be on holidays.

My dilemma? I already had an appointment for that time with another person for something totally unrelated, who is only working limited hours having just come back to work from having a baby. Again she is booked several weeks in advance which makes it hard.

I managed to change the original appointment so that I have to drag myself out of bed before 7.30am (on a Saturday!), I rang my hairdresser because I had said I wanted to "tentatively" book that time, only to be told that she had given the appointment to someone else!

It may be a blessing in disguise because I was going to go for "the chop" because I want a change. This will give me time to reconsider because I can guarantee that I would regret it the moment I left the salon! I may just toy with different colours.

How does electric blue foils sound?

Thursday 19 January 2006

Dental Work Complete

I've finally finished my dental treatment! Yay! *happy claps*

After 6 weeks, I have had my final lot of fillings and needles tonight. Now the anaesthetic has worn off, my lower jaw is aching. It makes it difficult to eat anything right now.

Also, it has put a major dent in my bank balance! All up, it cost about $1100! Thank god for health insurance!

I've learned my lesson and promise not to forgo the 6 monthly reminder when it comes up! *big, cheesy, no cavities or decay, freshly scaled and cleaned, grin*

Tuesday 17 January 2006

What's Your Superhero Name?


Your Superhero Profile



Your Superhero Name is The Alien Dusk

Your Superpower is Near-death Experience

Your Weakness is French People

Your Weapon is Your Force Analyzer

Your Mode of Transportation is Love Van

Monday 16 January 2006

Deep And Meaningful

I had a deep and meaningful discussion with my old friend Walrus. It was great to finally catch up with him after not hearing or seeing him in 6 months!

I have to admit though, that I have been in a bit of a funk since, only because it forced me to look back on a period in my life that was, and still is, painful for me for many reasons, not least of which it was 15 years ago - half my lifetime! *grimace*

I don't often like to think back to those times because I was not one of those memorable people and was never in the "popular" crowd. I always did my own thing, but strangely got on with pretty much everybody in my year.

And, to show that old age hasn't caught up with me yet, I could sit down with a photo of our year and be able to tell you at least the first names of the majority, if not all of my classmates, so there! :)

Wednesday 11 January 2006

Taxi's

I had to travel to Osborne Park today for work by taxi. It scares me, the condition of some of these taxis.

On my return journey to work, the speedometer did not seem to work unless he was sitting over 80, because anything under that speed and the needle was jumping around like mad, the fuel gauge was not moving off empty & the transmission was stuffed!

The driver pulled out in front of a truck that was bearing down on us pretty fast, and being an automatic, it should have picked up speed fairly quickly, but it felt like it had stalled and was chugging along.

I'm glad it was only a 20 minute drive back to work. Anything longer and I think I'd have preferred to take my chances on a bus!

Sunday 8 January 2006

Sunday Beach Picnic

I finally managed to catch up with my elusive friend whom I haven't seen since October - boy does time fly!

We took a picnic lunch down to Hillarys and just sat and chatted while her younger brother went swimming. We also partook in one of my favourite activities - people watching!

It amazed me how many young girls were there with inch thick make-up plastered on. And their clothes... don't get me started! I saw two girls, who must both go to the hairdresser together, because their hair was peroxided the same colour and they both had the same hairstyle. They also had almost identical outfits (different colours though) and pretty much the same accessories: sunglasses, jewellery and matching handbags. Clones!

All in all it was a nice day, even though it was overcast for most of the time, and humid.

Friday 6 January 2006

Memoirs Of Geisha Continued

I finished the book today, and I just want to say that I can't wait for the movie! I hope it does the book justice!

Random Facts 2

I found some more that I wanted to share:

  1. Boanthropy is a disease in which a person thinks they are an ox.
  2. Reindeer like to eat bananas.
  3. Mosquito repellants don't repel. The spray blocks the mosquitoes sensors so they don't know you're there.
  4. In 4000 BC Egypt, men and women wore glitter eye shadow made from the crushed shells of beetles.
  5. Butterflies taste with their feet.
  6. You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark.
  7. The largest cell in the human body is the female reproductive cell, the ovum. The smallest is the male sperm.
  8. In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
  9. The pupil of an eye expands as much as 45% when a person looks at something pleasing.
  10. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

Thursday 5 January 2006

A Following Of Sorts?

I'm finally starting to get some visitor's to this thing!

After messing about with the site counter for a couple of weeks, trying to get it just right, the number of visitor's is starting to tick over.

Why then is nobody making any comments? Do you who visit, have nothing to say or remark on?

Please, leave a comment... I dare you to!

Milestone

I've had this feeling all day that I'd forgotton something important, but couldn't put my finger on it. It wasn't until my mum mentioned it this afternoon that I remembered what it was.

Now, you may consider it morbid but I just want to acknowledge that today would have been my uncle's 50th birthday. I know he would have liked nothing better than to be celebrating it with a beer or two!

So, I'd like to say: Happy Birthday Uncle Peter!

Tuesday 3 January 2006

Internet Problems

I went to connect to the internet tonight when I noticed that my username had suddenly changed and also the dial up number changed.

I tried 2 or 3 times to correct the information myself, then I decided to delete the internet connection and set up a new one. I tried this a couple of times, but for some reason, my username and the dial up number kept changing back to the new one. I had also tried restarting the computer in between.

In the end I called my ISP who talked me through changing the details in the Control Panel & updating the info in Network Connections. I tried to tell him that I had already tried this several times already but it still kept changing back to these alien details.

In the end I finally got it fixed - after having deleted the connection info, restarting the computer, deleting cookies & then re-establishing an internet connection.

I do not know what is going on! I have only been having problems since I changed antivirus programs. The one I have is SUPPOSED to be THE BEST, but it is driving me insane!

Monday 2 January 2006

Don't Litter

We have newish neighbours across the road from us, who have made themselves well known among the neighbourhood, and not for the best of reasons.

Anyway, on New Year's Eve, they had a party, this time the father was home so it was fairly quiet, but people still parked their cars on other people's lawns and across driveways (*grrrr*).

The next morning we found several empty bottles and cans on our front lawn and in our backyard, luckily there were no broken bottles this time.

This is not the first time this has happened, but why do these people feel the need to dump their trash in other people's yards? Since they were hosting the party, surely they had bins for people to put their empties?

I have been tempted at times to take the rubbish that ends up in our yard after their parties and dumping them through the passenger window of their car (*evil grin*). I may just do it yet!!